About 800 million single cards were sold in the UK in 2023 according to the GCA UK Greeting Card Report 2023. The report doesn’t state how many were humour cards, but my guess it would be about 29.
I base my calculations on the proportion cards I see in card shops and online that are actually funny.
Whenever I come across their humour section my funny bone invariably remains unfunnied. The section should be titled disappointingly-unfunny-cards.
It makes me wonder if the public has a sense of humour and ever wants something different. It has and it does.
So why are there so few funny cards? My guess is it's because many retailers don’t want to take the risk of filling the shelves with untested or risky humour.
Who can blame them? Retail is tougher than ever. But a funny card has still got to be funny for me to begrudgingly waft my card over the scanner and part with £3.25.
So where are the funny ones?
There are funny cards out there, somewhere.
I can assure you that there’s nothing more unfunny than looking for funny cards.
Looking for funny cards should fill you with excited anticipation like a 3-year-old being told they’re going to see Santa who will give them the biggest bestest pressie ever.
Instead, the feeling is that of being forced to watch an hour-long party political broadcast without being able to leave your seat. We know what’s coming: tired old tropes, regurgitated ideas, flimsy wit. And we roll our eyes.
So fuck that. Let me try to put a smile on your face.
Here’s my selection. I’ve added their links in case you wanted to buy any.
Funny cartoon cards for all the family. Well, not all.
I love a good cartoon, and I love a good piece of technical skill. Lee Fearnley honed his skills as a commercial artist and illustrator.
He can put his hand to many types of style. He’s an accomplished illustrator and known for many cartoon styles, and these FERNZ ones hit the spot.
You can find some of his cards at The Card Factory and Comedy Card Company and all good outlets and retailers, as they say.
The best ideas that stick in the mind are the ones that allow your brain to leap in the right direction. Making you think and connect the dots makes all the difference. This simple joke about ageing is made all the sharper because of it.
There’s nothing like taking the mickey out of a man’s sexual performance. It’s so easy, though, isn’t it?
Sometimes no words work wonders. Letting you figure out the joke has its reward.
Across the pond are numerous sharp-witted cartoonists. Speed Bump is multi award-winning cartoonist Dave Coverly who is a dab hand at making his animals talk human and behave like one.
Ah…the old ‘I’m working from home’ ploy. Works even for dogs.
A close relation to cartoons is illustration. Illustrators have their own recognisable style. Sarah Ray has a simple effective style that reflects her charming and disarming wit. Sarah loves her animals, and they always have a personality of their own. Here’s an ideal selection for this time of year.
Squirrels are funny little fellas. Actually, they're bonkers.
Every sheep should be proud of their little lamb on stage.
Missed Christmas? Lucky bugger.
I like a silly idea and Bewilderbeest has many. Its elegantly tall illustrator, Iain Hamilton, draws many animals with gloriously daft puns but sometimes comes out with equally daft ideas.
As you can see the Royal Navy boat is well ahead. Or should that be ship? Submarines are never be called submarines in the Royal Navy. I didn’t know that.
As a keen gardener myself I can sympathise with the recipient of this card. A neat and witty card. And probably useful too.
The writing skills needed for funny image stock cards.
Writing to a limited brief is sometimes a good thing. It sharpens the mind and stops your mind from wandering. The following Kissmekwik cards are an excellent example of funny sharp joke writing using existing images.
I love a good play on words.
I wonder how many men have asked this and been hugely disappointed by the answer?
A woman of my dreams.
Funny letterpress birthday cards and other funnies.
I loved doing letterpress at art college. All those mids and thins, pissing about with the setting stick. And avoiding getting my flared jeans caught in the Heidelberg press machine.
The card publishers from the USA love their letterpress and sharp tongue. What’s nice about the following cards is that they have an idea. All too often letterpress cards simply are a surface pattern or an exercise in letterpressing. I would like an idea, please.
A selection from Lady Pilot Press based in Durham, North Carolina.
I love this card as this has happened to me, though she didn’t have a book that big.
Women robbers. Probably make the best ones.
Sign of the times. Elvis has left the building. So has Jane, Bob, Sally, Paul…
Another letterpress find is McBittersons from Chicago. Cute, and sometimes cranky cards, as it says on its website. I love cute and cranky.
Good chin hair gag. I had an elderly relative with beautiful chin hairs.
Ouch! I bet that hurt. Funny though.
My kinda Santa.
Oldies may appreciate the next cards from Pretty Alright Goods. It’s a letterpress company in Raleigh, North Carolina. It also does mugs and other fun gifts for sarky bastards.
The saggier the better, I'd say.
I’m sure many oldies have succumbed to the tissue in the the sleeve ritual. Sounds very sensible to me.
Yep. It sucks alright. Still, well done!
Snarky, sarcastic cards are just as funny.
Hit and Run Greetings is run by a sharp-tongued chap named Korbin. He lives in Hollywood so is probably influenced by all the twaddle that happens within La-La-Land.
Who doesn’t? Move over WFH, it's now DAW.
Yep. I’m looking forward to tooting and annoying everyone.
I knew someone like this when we were together. She’s still adorable.
A spot of silliness from some other funny cards.
Odds and sods that tickle me. Maybe they might tickle you too.
Modern Toss cards. Irreverent, funny, sometimes very rude.
As a keen low-handicap golfer I find this is a truly annoying habit that some folks shout at tournaments. In this instance, it's funny.
Funny card from illustrator Beth Garnett. Very silly yet funny being told off by a squirrel.
Free Spirit Press always has me in stitches. I wish my brain could work like this.
Finally, some of my funny cards. Well, why not? It’s my fucking website.
Don’t be a curmudgeon. Toodle-pip!
What funny cards will there be next year?
So what's going to tickle us next year? Who knows? We may get lucky and some witty wag will produce the funniest cards on the planet.
In the meantime, don't forget to visit Rusty Pencil to check out the latest offerings and occasional special offer. Keep laughing. Cheerio!
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